They're OUT!!!

YAY! The pins are out and prayers were answered because they came out smooth as buttah...the doc and nurse were both really shocked that she didn't even flinch and he didn't have to pull very hard. It took him less than a minute to get both out. She's using her arm more, but still can't straighten it all the way. She's trying though all the time. Hopefully it will just take a little more time for everything to stretch back out. She was such a trooper though. On the baby front..Quinn is now sitting up. He still topples forward or backward at times, but for the most part, I can put him down to play and place pillows strategically and walk away, while checking on him all the time of course. I can usually hear when he has toppled...he doesn't like it. Not close to crawling yet, which suits me just fine for now. It's nice that he can play a bit now...less holding required. My arms was hurting a lot from holding him so much (whew). He's still a little chunk, very solid. We all just got over colds and he got a cough again, but he seems to be getting better now. Still no teeth either. I think I will start giving him avocado at the Feast (mid October). See how he likes it and how he does. He looks at food and wants to grab it all the time. He has tried to grab whatever I'm eating from me before, lol. I'm only going to do avocado and carrots at first for a while. No fruit probably until he's a year..don't want him to get that sweet taste and then not want anything else. We'll see though. He's a little chatter box....blabbity blab blab all day long. And I just adore his big hearty laugh. Rayne can still get him laughing pretty good. I'm still doing school, about to finish my first class next week and then on to the next one. I stay pretty busy I guess you could say. Rayne is doing well in homeschooling and has shown a lot of improvement in her letter and number recognition and writing. She's doing well in other areas too. It's fun to watch her learn. Especially when she isn't getting frustrated and then angry and then wanting to throw something or quit just because she doesn't get it right away...not that that happens EVER. yeah right.

And NOW


the all suspenseful........BIO.......

Nice lead in eh? Okay, so I left off at the wacko I was working for by being a Nanny to her 2 beautiful children that are now grown and hopefully not screwed up by their Mother. Wow, they are now grown. That's depressing.................................................................................................................................................anyway! So yeah, I continued working for her and just making sure I wasn't around any more than needed and NEVER brought that psycho stuff up again. While I was working there during the day, I decided I needed more cash flow and got a job at The Nashville Palace. THAT was an awesome place to work. I had so much there. I started out as a hostess which sounds easy, but I can tell you WAS NOT. It was a job of strategic and careful planning so as not to tick the waiters and waitresses off. Everyone wanted to make sure they got the same amount of tables and the others. These people made some bucks, let me tell ya. We often had some wealthy folks eating there. Mostly tourists, but sometimes local biggies. There was one "famous" person that was always in the bar...and I mean ALWAYS...like daily and all day long. That little guy that always wore the crazy cowboy hats and outlandish outfits..remember him? I think Johnny something? I can't remember his name, but he used to be on TV a lot in country music. He was there just about everyday. The best part of the job was on Wednesday nights it was employee night and if you sang (which come on..everyone there was trying to make it big) you got to get up on stage and sing with the band (and they were good). It was SOOOO much fun. It was a huge stage and a very large attentive audience. And it was a contest at the same time I believe. I could be wrong, my memory fails me at times. Anyway, I didn't care about that..I was always hoping for that producer that just loved what I sang and approached me with a deal. Of course, far fetched, but everyone there was hoping for the same thing. One guy I worked with has been in several Country Music Videos. Including a Carrie Underwood one. It was cool seeing him on TV...obviously still sticking it out and trying to make it. He was a pretty good singer. I always thought he was gay, not sure though. He made a lot of money as a waiter there. So from hostess I moved onto Cashier. Again, not the "typical" cashier you think of. I had a little booth and I was responsible for cashing out all the customers through the waiters and then figuring out the tourist groups final bill (no small feat). THEN at the end of the night, I had to make the books balance, do a credit card batch and go in the back and count. Sometimes the books would be off by $20 or so and it would take an hour or MORE to figure out how and why. It was usually because I had to take a break and one of the waitstaff had to do be cashier and it ALWAYS got screwed up. So I finally convinced management that ONLY I could be in there. And if there was anyone else in there, they had to stay with me to close books. Of course nobody wanted to do this, so they agreed, if I had to take a quick potty break...they waited patiently. The end of the night till could be $10,000 easily or more. No joke. The tourist groups final bill could easily be 2-3,000 depending on how large. This included all 50-100 of them to eat, drink and watch the show. It was crazy. But it was SO much fun. Everyone there was fun to work with and the show was always good. There seemed to something exciting going on all the time. One time Alan Jackson did a Satellite show from there and they shut the WHOLE place down. Only employees were allowed in and I was scheduled to work. I got to go in the back and talk with his fiddler and it was SO cool. He sang and then answered questions live from fans. It was really cool. Back then I SOOOOO wanted to be a country music singer..well known of course. I wanted it all. Or so I thought. On almost my last day of Nannying the girls (it was a summer gig only) I got really sick. I didn't know what happened, but after me and the EXboyfriend went singing, we went back to his Aunt's house, where he was staying and stood to get up and doubled over in pain. I thought..man I must have ate something and now I have REALLY bad gas pains or intestinal trouble. So I kept trying to go the bathroom. But nothing helped and it wouldn't go away. So the EX said not to try and drive all the way back to where I was living (it was like 30 minutes away or so) and to sleep on their couch so he could keep an eye on me. He crashed on the floor by the couch. I couldn't sleep and kept tossing and turning, taking gas pills, antacids, trying to go to the bathroom countless times and nothing helped. It kept getting worse and worse. It was HORRIBLE. By early early morning I knew something was very very wrong and it wasn't just something I ate. We all thought appendix. By then his Aunt and Uncle were up and we told them what was going on and how much pain I was in and it was my right side and they were really worried it was my appendix and that I needed to get to the hospital asap. So in the car we went and it was about 20-25 minutes to the closest hospital. Not including traffic. Thankfully it was early enough and there wasn't too much traffic. I kept getting worse and worse on the way there and he kept slowing down when he saw a cop and I was hollering DON'T SLOW DOWN..if they pull us over GREAT...I thought I wasn't going to make it if he didn't get there soon. My chest started hurting too by this point. That's the only part of getting there I remember...telling to stop slowing down! So we finally make it and he ran in and got a wheelchair cuz by then I couldn't walk and wheeled me into ER. We all know how fast they are in ER's. It seemed to take FOREVER. I was finally seen and could barely talk by then I was in so much pain. I hadn't ever felt pain like that up to that point. It was in my chest, it seemed it was everywhere. So they make me get up and go into another room and a doc does a pelvic on me. Oh my...that hurt so much I think I screamed. Of course he couldn't tell what was going on, but he could tell it wasn't good. I really don't remember too many details from that point on. I think they must have xrayed me, although I can't remember them doing so. They came back in and said that I had internal bleeding and it was likely from a cyst on my ovary that ruptured. So I would need surgery soon. I panicked. Flipped out panicked and scared. I asked for a minister to come annoint me before surgery so we got on the phone and made some calls. I had to call my parents who were 2000 miles away and tell them what was going on..I'm sure that was a lovely call to receive. By the time it was time to go to surgery my whole upper body was convulsing...like my chest would contract and my arms would move, involuntarily. It was awful. I think I had as much morphine as they could give me and it wasn't helping. Then all of a sudden a rush of docs and nurses come in and tell me they can't wait any longer for the minister to get there, my blood pressure had just dropped dramatically and they had to go in NOW. More panick and freaking out. But I couldn't cry because it hurt too much to do so. So off I am wheeled and really scared. Right when they got me there and started to wheel me in to pre-op, the minister came rushing in and was able to quickly annoint me. I went in feeling much better about having been annointed and they told me to count back from 100..I think I got to 98 and that's all I remember until they woke me in recovery. It was SOOO hard to come out of that stuff. I was SOOO sleepy. I didn't want to wake up....I remember I kept trying to open my eyes and the nurse kept telling me over and over again to wake up, open my eyes and it was SOO hard. She seemed to be getting mad at me for not staying awake, but I didn't care. When I was put into a regular room the doc came in and told me the deal. Apparently, I had a cyst rupture on my right ovary that caused a tiny little tear in my ovary. It didn't clot and therefore just kept bleeding and bleeding, filling my entire cavity with blood. Thus the extreme pain and convulsing of my upper body. They had to suck blood all the way up to my diaphragm (spelling on that). It took them quite a while to get almost all of it out..enough to stop the pain anyway and my body could take care of the rest. They put one stitch in my ovary and confirmed no endometriosis. I was always worried I had that because of really bad monthly cramps. Anyway...they sucked out over half my blood volume. In other words, I was very close to bleeding out and crashing. Good thing I went in when I did and not later. At that point, it was the scariest thing I had ever gone through in my life. It took me a LONG time to recover from that. Not only from the blood loss and anemia, but the pain of the incision. Where they cut still hurt a year later when I leaned on anything around that area. Yes, I have a scar there...it's not big and no one can really see it. But it bothers me sometimes to this day. Hopefully it will never happen again. They said it was a fluke...an egg that should have released from my ovary didn't, formed a cyst and then later ruptured causing the tear. If it hadn't caused a tear, I would have been fine. Crazy isn't it? So there's the story of my close call and first surgery. The recovery from that was NOT pleasant at all. It was long and difficult. I had to have constant help for the first 2 weeks and therefore stayed in a room at the Ex's aunt and uncles. They took me in and took great care of me. So that's it for today. I'll try to keep up better, but no guarantees. Life happens.

The picture is Rayne at the river...all healed and being silly again.

2 More Weeks

The pins in Rayne's arm get pulled in 2 weeks. I am NOT looking forward to that appointment, but will be glad when her arm is all healed. She's doing really well still and is able to use her hand more. We really started doing more homeschool and she loves it. I had to stop her at 9pm last night and tell her it was time for bed. She wanted to keep going! I can tell you, it's not easy to homeschool her with Quinn though. I like to give her my undivided attention which is when he naps, so when he doesn't nap well, it's kinda difficult. But we are working it out. It's amazing how fast little ones learn and how much they remember. My schooling is going okay. I will be glad when it's something more interesting and actually about Psychology. Okay, I got interrupted a few hundred times during this blog, so I'm quitting now. I guess stay tuned when I can actually finish a thought or sentence or both.

Trying To Hold Her Down

Rayne is feeling much better and I have to really slow her down, which is a good thing. She goes back in for xrays next Tuesday and hopefully everything looks good. She's not having any more pain and is even using her right hand more. We've started doing some school and she seems to like it. She was doing her Math workbook all morning. I wasn't feeling very well today and Quinn was super fussy, so I only got to work with her for a little bit this morning. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I've started school again too, getting the Master's so our schedule is going to be pretty full. We shouldn't be too bored this winter, that's for sure. I think Quinn is more actively teething now, as he is fussier than usual and constantly chomping on his finger while fussing. Even being held doesn't seem to help. I hope he doesn't have too much difficulty with it. He's getting so big. It goes really fast. He's close to sitting up by himself. That's it for tonight..I'm pretty tired.

Really Trying To Stay Sane

Not sure it's working. Rayne is so incredibly whiney and grumpy. It's very difficult to be patient. She keeps crossing that line though of being rude and mean. I hate that she is in pain and bored and yet trying to keep her from being mean and rude to us. Ugh. NO MORE MONKEY BARS EVER!!! That is all.

Poor Broken Rayne

Well..so much for Rayne's first camping experience. We got to the site and set up the tent and bedding and ate dinner and Rayne and her cousins were anxious to get to the playground. My first instinct was to say no, it was getting too late and almost dark, but I let her go with my Sister in Law and her cousins. A little while later I heard her blood curdling scream from all the way at the playground. So I went over there to see what was going on and she was still crying and screaming and my Sister in Law was holding her. I went to get her and looked down and saw her arm just dangling there and looked SO not right. I knew it was broken immediately. I yelled that her arm was broken and what happened? She fell from the monkey bars and landed on her arm. I got her back to the camp site as quickly as possible yelling for someone to help me with her. My Dad finally came out to the road and saw me and I yelled that her arm was broken and we got her back to the site. There was a paramedic not far from our site and he came over and helped get her arm in a makeshift splint and then we got her in the car on my lap in the front to get her to the hospital. When we got there, they took xrays and found out it was dislocated and very badly broken. It would need pins. They didn't have an orthopedic surgeon that could fix her, so we had to drive all the way back home to our hospital. We got in at about 3:30am. She hadn't had any pain meds up to this point. She was a serious trooper. She slept for most of the way there. She finally got a shot of morphine at 4:30. We talked to the surgeon shortly after that and when it was time to go up to pre-op, she was being SO good. She wasn't afraid and was talking and laughing with the nurse and anesthesiologist. They told her where me and Grandma would be (my Mom came with us to help with Quinn). They then started wheeling her away and she didn't cry or anything. I, however, broke down as soon as she was out of sight. Just for a bit. I was scared of the surgery and emotionally drained. I can't believe how much pain she must have been in. The surgery took about an hour and then she slept til about 10:30. I had 2 balloons and gift waiting for her when she woke up. She was happy about that. Once the local wore off she began to be in pain and has been in a quite a bit of pain for the last couple of days, but I think she's getting better. She was much better this evening with just over the counter pain meds. We had great nurses and they had a crib in the room for Quinn and an extra bed for me and my Mom to get some rest. My Mom stayed with us the whole time. She was up for over 24 hours by the time we were released that evening. Then we got home and my Mom unpacked our entire car and most of the clothes and stuff and cleaned up the house a bit before getting a ride home. My Dad stayed behind to finish out the camping trip with Rayne's cousins. Dave fell twice during this whole ordeal and banged up his head pretty good. He's still sore. It was just an awful weekend. But we are thankful it wasn't worse. She says she never wants to go camping again, but I'm sure she'll go sometime. She goes back in on Tuesday to get xrays done to make sure things are healing how they should be. She has 2 pins in her arm and a fiberglass splint all wrapped up. They are hoping the pins will be out in about a month. We are praying that it heals nicely and no need for any more surgery.

No bio this time..just too tired.

Goin Campin

We are off to Wallowa Lake in 1 week. Rayne has never been camping, so I hope she has fun. We are sleeping in a tent..that should be interesting with the baby too. Hopefully it goes well. The weather is supposed to be good..and not 100 degrees...ahhhhhh, that will be nice. I had the great idea of having a stupid yard sale. Yes I said stupid because that's what it was. Stupid. Nuf said. Rayne's cough is much much better. Quinn is doing fine..he chomps down HARD on my finger..like painfully so. I'm guessing he's still teething. Just a wild guess though. I don't think I've blogged since deciding to start a photography biz. I want to do maternity/newborn and children's portraits. So I've been doing a lot of photo sessions for free to build my portfolio. It is so much fun, especially belly and newborn pics. SO my favorite. And I even managed to do a shoot with a very grumpy 3 year old who did NOT want her picture to be taken and come away with several very cute shots of her. So I was happy about that. I am going to upgrade my camera in the next few months hopefully and upgrade my computer to a MAC and get aperature 2 with it. Oh and calibrate my screen so I will be all ready to go pro. I am hoping by February to be full blown pro and charging for sessions. I MIGHT try sooner, but I feel inclined to upgrade my gear first so I can make sure to the best pictures possible. So that's it on the homefront. And now......


THE BIO.

So I had to leave off at where I should have left the ex boyfriend. My brother wasn't doing well..he is still not feeling well, but hopefully slowly getting better. Some people just shouldn't try to climb big tall mountains, ya know? Anyway..so I'm at the point in my bio where you would think I would leave a person that lies and cheats and yet I don't. Instead, I decide to drive 2000 miles to Nashville at the same time he does. We both decide to move there at the same time. Me, to pursue singing..I seriously wanted to. Him, for a business venture that would end in failure. Making a big move like that was not new to me and I always think it's exciting. Until I get there. And then I question my decisions and wonder why I'm so retarded. I guess I should explain how I got to Nashville in the first place. I had a job at Hanford through an employment agency in the human resources department of somewhere...can't remember where. The place is huge. The job was boring. I mean seriously boring. I read at least 20 books while working there. Then I discovered I could get online and that's when I began searching for other jobs. There was a nanny position near Nashville that sounded appealing to me. Of course I already knew that a certain someone was going to be moving there. I figured I would have some support while trying to pursue my singing. That's the one thing he did right. He completely believed in my singing and that I could go somewhere with it. And that was important to me then. So anyway, I contact this person with the ad and we talked and hit it off. She liked me from the phone interview and I got the job. It would include room and board and 150/week. Not a bad deal back then. So I took it and broke the news to my parents that I was once again moving a long ways away from home. I'm sure they were thrilled with me yet again. So I pack up and head out shortly after that. When I arrived at the house I would be living at, it seemed very nice. Very southern which I loved. An older house with lots of charm. The kids were sleeping so I would meet them later. Their Mom seemed really nice. Yeah right. Anyway...we talk for a while and then I go to bed as I am exhausted from a long driving trip. The next morning I get up and meet the girls. They are really cute and it seems like we will all get along great. The girls were 5 and 8. Hard to believe they are now about 15 and 18. Wow. Time goes by fast. So life goes on as normal for a while..I watch the girls during the day and then I'm free in the evening. I think the Mom thought I would just hang out with all of them at night, but I had other ideas. I was there to pursue my singing. I had to get out and do that. I met up with the ex boyfriend and went out singing wherever I could. It was fun. I love singing so I usually have fun when I am doing that. I could tell though that the girls Mom was irritated that I wasn't there in the evening too. Oh well, not much I can do about that. And then one day, I went to a movie in the park with them and when we got home, the Mom asks if I heard her grandparents in the house last night? I said, no were they here? She said..well they died several years ago, but that she thought she heard them in the halls again the night before. I think my mouth must have hit the floor. I thought at first she was kidding..she was not. She continued to tell me that they come out every once in a while and it usually keeps her up. Okay....I want out now. And that's where I will stop. It's late and I'm tired. Next time will continue with this nightmare I've managed to get myself into. And how my health will decline rapidly and end in emergency surgery.

The photo is from my most recent photo shoot.

We are at 80%

Rayne is much better. She still coughs and even has really hard coughs, but not nearly as often. They aren't kidding..it's called a 100 day cough for a reason. It really does last that long. We are only at about 45 days. Longest illness I know of. Quinn's never progressed. He is drooling like crazy though and will choke on it at night and sometimes during the day. Mostly when he is sleeping. I think he might be teething. So I have to listen for him in the monitor and run in there when he chokes. Sometimes I have to lift him up and help him and sometimes, he's okay on his own. He is such a chunk. I bet he weighs at least 16 lbs now. Rayne didn't weight that until she was like a year old!! He can wear 6 month clothes..in part due to his cloth dipes, but he's a chunk too, lol. I'm getting serious about pursuing a photography biz. I really want to do maternity and newborn pics and eventually birth photos when Quinn is older. I can't leave him overnight to do that yet and don't want to take him for obvious reasons. I'm excited to make a go of it. I've got several people lined up to do shoots for to build my portfolio. No pay, but will hopefully pay off when I'm ready to go. I'm excited about the camera I will get with tax return too. Not releasing that info at this point. I love photography so much. It is so creative. So many aspects of creativity to it. And it's so important to people as it captures their loved ones in time. I love candid photography..really capturing people's personalities. I would love to do weddings, but most are on Saturday and that just don't work for me, as I don't work on that day. Maybe someday I will get to do one.

And now...for biography stuff..it's been a while, I know.

So I was leaving Alaska at my last writing. Or typing. I tried to stay on...but the thought of another winter after what I had gone through with those people, was just too much. There were a lot of things I loved about Alaska and I was leaving a dear friend, but I just had to. So I went to the Feast that year in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. That place will always have a somewhat bittersweet feeling for me now. I'm sure you've guessed why. It's because of a man. I met someone at that Feast site. I thought he was different. I'm not sure I want to go into that much. Let's just say I made some bad choices from the time I met him through the next 3 years. Yes, 3 YEARS. This was my first real serious relationship. Before this, I had dated, but not for that long. Man..there are so many things I just don't think I can type out for all to read. I guess some things just have to remain personal and kept locked up. It woudn't do anyone any good to know them or for me to have anyone else know. To sum things up in a nut shell...I met this guy, decide to move to a city in Oregon closer to him, but still quite a drive away. Instead of being 3 states away, he was only 1. So I thought since I met him at the Feast that he was a regular Church goer..don't ever assume this of someone. He in fact had JUST started attending Church again and I don't believe he had any intention of attending regularly. This guy was so mixed up in what he wanted, it was awful. I of course had no idea at the time. So I move to this city with these friends I had also met at the Feast. I stayed with them in their home until I found a job and could afford my own place. These people were also not what they seemed. Especially the woman. She in fact smoked pot at her neighbors regularly and had me watch her son while she did it. I didn't know this right away either. You could say I was a bit naive about the big ole bad world. VERY naive. Living with them was interesting to say the least. It was not fun. While living in that city I worked at a place called National Flora..a teleflora company. The job wasn't bad, I actually enjoyed it. At times it was not easy, like when a grandmother called in for flowers to be sent to her grandchild's funeral. Those were difficult calls. I was to remain composed and compassionate when sometimes it was hard not to cry with the person. Then there were the idiot callers that would spend thousands on roses at Valentines and ask me if I would be impressed if my significant other did that. I actually told a guy I would be very angry if my boyfriend spent that kind of money on some flowers. Stupid. So at that time I lived for the weekends that began by either me or this man traveling to see each other. Little did I know at the time he was still seeing his Ex girlfriend. On the weekends that we couldn't travel and during the week. Nice eh? Not nice at all. And I had no clue. How would I? He lied from the get go to me about a lot of things. It would take me almost a year to find out. And when I did, what did I do? I believed his lies again and gave him another chance. And not just once, but many times. And it wasn't just one girl as I later found out. There was another ex he was seeing too. Doubly nice eh? Can we say STUPID. I wanted it to work so bad, I was just blind to his lies. Seriously...I was so scared that it was my last chance at someone actually caring for me, I closed my eyes to it. And let me tell you, when I opened my eyes again..I was disgusted with myself. Completely. So after moving to his State and living there for 3 months and discovering his side relationships twice while I was there..I finally left. And you would think it was for good wouldn't you? Nope. After that, I moved to Nashville to pursue my singing. Except that he went too..to pursue a business opportunity that would fail. I'm going to leave off here, getting word that my brother isn't doing so hot...gonna go chat with SIL...sorry...stay tuned.

Photo is another friend's daughter...her eyes will getcha